I am bringing you part 2 of the Towards an Effective Marriage Series. I trust you will be greatly helped as I share with you what I wish I knew before getting married in 2005.
Marriage is hard, hard work
Ephesians 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word.
In effective marriage is empowering and fulfilling to both spouses. To achieve this, however, requires spiritual, mental, emotional and physical work. A husband is a calling, an office and a disposition. The husband is charged with the responsibility of loving his wife to the same degree as Christ loves the church. What you should be looking at when you contemplate the thought of becoming a husband is the enhancement of your understanding of what it means to love like Christ. This kind of love is unknown to the world. This kind of love is a demonstration of the divine capacity to seek the interest of your spouse without selfish motives. And since selfishness is the blood and fuel of the world, you will understand why I said this kind of love is unknown to the world.
You will have to decide the love standard by which your marriage will be governed. Many have put in a lot of work and have risen to become captains of industry and business and religious leaders and yet have failed in their marriages. I am not in any way talking down on people who have had serious challenges to their marriages or whose marriages have not worked. I want to draw your attention to a powerful truth.
A Business executive is able to make decisions that move his business from near bankruptcy to become profitable and yet the same person will not be willing to sweat blood to make his marriage work. We all treat marriages like an account in credit, we keep making withdrawals but who is funding the account? My friend, marriage is hard, hard work. When you embrace this law of marriage, you will be in position to make the necessary investments towards an effective marriage.
Core values a measure of compatibility
If you don’t ascertain the core values of the person you intend to marry, you will realise the union will be faced with serious compatibility issues that should have been addressed before you said ‘I do’. A pre marriage relationship therefore is for serious discussions and deliberations and not for carnal knowledge. That is the time to engage in strategic planning for the union, family culture and attitudes to be nurtured, children, work, finance, extended family protocols, etc. until you come up with a plan to execute the vision of the union. Not everyone in life knows what they want in life. And so if you don’t ensure there is alignment in core values all your marital conflicts will have to do with things that are essential to your very existence. Your core values must be the basis for wanting to spend the rest of your life together with another person of the opposite sex.
Conversation is the life line to any marriage
Every marriage rises and falls on conversation. For the female especially conversation is not just sufficient it is necessary. You must develop the art of conversation. The first family was driven from the garden primarily because of the results of a conversation the woman had with the devil. The importance of the law of conversation in a marriage cannot be over emphasized. Man, if you don’t talk to your woman the devil will talk to her on your behalf.
A woman is always in conversation, it is either with you or with someone else. A woman’s need for conversation is not a disease so it cannot be healed neither is it demonic so it cannot be cast out. It is a need that must be met by her man. If you hide behind busy schedule and work load to deny your wife conversation, you have booked an appointment for her to talk to the devil indirectly. Talk time is critical for the effectiveness of every marriage. The quality of conversation reveals the freshness of every relationship including marriage. Make time for talk time with your spouse.
Take action.
Rule and subdue the earth!