The only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. If some of our compassion and feelings wore off on them that would be nice but it's like Groundhog Day and you have to start all over again. Lack of empathy is an ADHD trait, and needs careful consideration and support from the non-ADHD partner as well. Duped again. Our daughter just had surgery overseas. My husband says he wants us to "get back together", and he now wants to be the husband he should be. Clearly you know it's a problem and you're still in that relationship and most likely going to have kids with him yourself and then act like oh no poor me I still got married and had kids with the guy that's treated me like crap since day one. He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? (I'm not sure if he came over on the Friday night from 9 pm to 8 am.). Of course. And we would just keep saying hurtful things to each other. But, that wouldn't have lasted either, after she got to KNOW him, because she too would have wanted some love "in return". If you need help, I will cook dinner". Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. It seems to b Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. Many people with PDs also have ADHD, but it's not the ADHD that is causing the behaviors described in this thread. I wasn't even allowed to adjust my own pillows. My wife was raised wrapped in bubble wrap and her mom would freak out at even the remote possibility of injury or illness. Run!!! You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. When you marry, the two He even broke the kitchen sink to where it only puts out hot water. I didn't get medical help until nearly 12 hours later. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Nothing builds or sticks over the years. Would she normally kiss you before going to work? Whenever he's sick I ask if I can go get anything from the store for him or do anything for him. I do not think I will see a lasting change because myspousewith ADD is alwaysout for himself. Sign #10: Not protective over you at all. Sometimes, he can be vindictive in a passive way, like after I left him for that one month. No wonder folks with ADHD have built up some walls. I shouldn't have to and I take very good care of myself after 27 years and a complete role reversal. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. He hates the snow. It was like neither of us care that we were damaging our marriage. But just like I learned when I lost my job two years ago, a job I thought defined me, one singular part of my life does not define me. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. Love. Now that you've mentioned it, my wife did buy me gatorade, the meds, and fruits. Recently I was knocked down by a (Dirt, dust, cob webs, grease, filth, trash, broken stuff, computer junk, all over) Then there is the paperwork all over the place and our finances to get through. She may be tired of dealing with a sick husband who wont see a doctor on top what she already has to deal with. BTW, when ourkids are sick he is mean and heartless. Good point. Otherwise I think you need to stop acting like a child when sick. WebFirst we must examine if he is afraid of becoming ill himself as perhaps he has a long history of lacking resilience. My wife wants to be left alone, and I mean ALONE. There's lots of reasons he may have decided to not come over, and 99% of them aren't the selfish stuff you're thinking of. Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? I paid for every cent at that point and insurance for me/him. I scrolled through my phone contacts and one name popped out, an old mutual friend of ours. Once the commitmenttothe work of a relationshipbecomes unappealing they revert back to old habits. Impatient to a fault, hates to wait, hates to wait his turn. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow I drove myself to the urgent care centre, with the automatic transmission this time, and got it all wrapped up after the X-rays confirmed the break. Consequences. He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. If there's not arguments over dumb shit then something is wrong. Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else. (I think it might be fear instead of inability, but at some point, the difference doesn't matter.) (and the smell, yuck) Even his clothes smell like old grease. We are at retirement age, but will never GET to retire. Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. I cam home ( after working out for an hour feeling worse ) and told my mom and she took my temperature and it was like 104 degrees!! The whole thing is just very, very HARD. Do you think being obnoxious made him FOND of me? She can't fix it if she doesn't know. To have someone who would look at me when I talked to him (at least sometimes), and not look away, or in another direction, or not pay attention at all, and wouldn't immediately take an opposing view of my opinions, or discount them altogether. Yeahand just imagine trying to trust people when you grow up with everyone telling you you don't fit inand if you let that pain in all the time, instead of shut it out, you would be a puddle on the floor. Anyway..it was really serious and I can't ever remember being that sick before in my life and it was horrible right? But, again, that is in the "now", but what about the "not-now"? Angry loud voice- "Where do youwant to go!?" After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. I start my day with positive thoughts of not retaliating, not overthinking, and not trying to change what I can't control. Your wife is negative because she doesn't know how to deal with her angry/upset/self-loathing emotions so she projects them onto 'faults' that you have. How can she stop? She needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own negative emotions and process them herself without becoming abusive to another person. I have no compassion in my heart for this and I have no means to find it or excuse this as anything more than totally Fucked Up Shit!!! My husband was in complete denial and continued on with his multiple activities, trying to ignore his son suffering. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. I have loved you for a long time, and we have been through so much together, but what Ive recently learned is this: You could care less about my illness. After I broke my foot, the Orthopedist put me in a non weight bearing cast. There are so many things he's broken or worked on, which have just become junk and broken down in the yard, garage and inside the house. In the letter I explained that he needed to get help and I was running to save myself. Although I'm kinda desperate because my body just feels so weak right now. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. To us I should say. Now not now and love. I know the empathy is in there, but it's overridden by the rest of their experience and the onslaught of perception they constantly have to sort through. It was a high pressure job in sales and recruiting, with a manager who later got in trouble for harrassingstaff and being absolutely unprofessional. WebIt is not a crime to not care for a spouse when they are sick. I actually yelled at him, told him how selfish he is. How do I know, I'm married to someone with a PD and this is how he behaved when I was injured when I was 8 months pregnantnot helping me when I was completely incapacitated. I hear you, I cant count the number of times my husband made it very clear that myillness was a hughinconvenience for him there was no thought to how it made me feel. Imagine that. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. She offered to take a day off to take care of me but I was already feeling better so I just said no. Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. I agree his kids should come first. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. My hu SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. and my child will throw up or have a fever. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. I often try to put myself in his shoes and think "God I am so happy I am not like that". Submitted by tiredmomma1 on Fri, 04/07/2017 - 12:12. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. My husband would blame me for ruining his life. but I am trying to get past the resentment so now it simply feels like a friendship and some days like room mates but my goal is to remain pleasant and loving, as I would treat a friend. I'm not sure about what's being discussed about men. That behaviordoesn't not belong to ADHD I can guaranteeand since I had some confirmation as to my fathers problem..I can say that in his casethat was NPD! Yes, I agree, and am in the same place. He didn't take me to the hospital, just put me back to bed. The reception was held at a house, in he back yard. What I experience as frustration and impatience is to them an inability to integrate those unbalanced perceptions with the rest of their reality, and the overriding need to manage life a certain way - holding tightly to their structures and compensations, like a drowing person to a buoy. I need to see if Iam wrong about this. And again, why ask me to come back to him if he still can't DO that? My husband responded to me that if I went on medical leave I would have to stop seeing my doctor because he wouldn't pay for it anymore. Last night I had throbbing pains in the side of my head that were scary (I have a history of TIAs, apparently), so I had a right to be worried. When I confront him about what I'm thinking about how he acts, he becomes defensive and gets angry. He literally goes deaf ears when I tell him Im sick. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet. Being unhelpful when someone is sick or injured strongly suggests either Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD. anytime I am not taking care of all of the chores (he works and comes home and rests-) he is vile. I only wanted to make things easier on myself, for three nights a week. I'll talk to my wife when she gets home. Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! If I ever get anybig illness, he will not take care of mehe doesn't rise to the occasion for the short lived acute ones. I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. Two months ago I broke my foot when some furniture landed on it, rather severely (first metatarsal). Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. It may make it more difficult to resolve differences or conflicts and the same Been married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. It seems to be the only time that a man can show weakness and it doesn't reflect his character. He is withdrawing from you, and youre feeling alone. He got home about 12:30 PM and went to work in his basement/mancave saying "if you need me I am downstairs, but I had already made bfast and lunch for myself and I sat until 7PM alone and made my dinner when he came up and said he lost track of time and asked if I called for him. Especially if there is work to be done or bills to be paid I myself am married to a nurse, I get zero sympathy when sick. My husband works hard and takes good care of me and our big family. He played video games.A LOT, and watched a lot of movies, and cook his food in deep fryers which has made the house smell like an old dirty grease pit, with the cupboards, shelves, and countertops, floors, all caked with grease. In the main area of the house there should be 2 colors, and now there are at least 5. When she left for work she didn't even say goodbye. You know where I keep my emergency information, when to call 911. 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